Carli Jo isn’t just a “sex coach.” She writes about the excellence of cannabis in sexual activity and promotes using it as part of a healthy sex life. Carli Jo provides one-on-one coaching to singles and couples, educating them and showing them how to open themselves to giving and receiving pleasure more comfortably. She has seen great results with cannabis so far and wants to do her part to destigmatize it – it’s not just about being stoned.
Carli Jo started smoking weed at 13, like most of us, as a way to rebel. She tried for years to get high but couldn’t, and eventually moved on. As she got older, she never really enjoyed drinking and turned to cannabis in social situations instead. Carli Jo realized that cannabis activated an energy in her, but wasn’t sure what it was. This sparked her curiosity and turned her relationship with cannabis into something she would have never expected.
Carli Jo was in a sex, love, and relationship coaching program to become a coach herself. When she began, her original plan was to become a dating coach. Her time spent casting for the Bachelor prepared her for this path and she believed this was the road she would go down. However, the coaching program taught her how to activate her sexual body and sensuality – which coincided with the learning she was doing to heal through self pleasure. This was all new to her. Prior to her program Carli Jo had a difficult relationship with pleasure, with her mind and body kind of at war over the subject. Eventually, she came into contact with a group called Cannabis Feminists. This group of women helped her to connect cannabis to spirituality and her experience with them helped her realize she was sexually repressed and shut down to sexual change. Carli Jo began to combine cannabis with tantra, which helped her open up options sexually and connect with her body, sensations, and pleasure in a way she had never experienced.
The coaching program she was in went on a week long retreat where they would be defining their niche, or specialty. Carli Jo brought cannabis with her to the retreat and introduced it to the other women in her program and unintentionally created a retreat of her own. What started with ten or so women coming to her room to enjoy cannabis and pleasure became 30-40 women at a time. She wasn’t engaging in the retreat the way she was meant to, but she was building bridges that would lead her to where she is now. When it came time for her to declare her niche, she ran the idea past her instructor of combining cannabis and sex. Even though she was unsure and uneasy, her instructor was fully behind her.
Now, her relationship to cannabis is multi-faceted. Her belief is that cannabis is a substance that can help you be more fun or put you in the mood to play. She also views it as a medicinal, spiritual connection that grounds her and leads to deep self discovery. Carli Jo found that smoking helped her and her husband to create possibilities in their sexual life, but she couldn’t pinpoint why. After her experience with her program and more exploration with cannabis it became clear that cannabis worked in her relationship because it opened both partners up to receiving and giving pleasure, it tears down the inhibitions we carry with us. Carli Jo and her husband have always had a very strong relationship built on love, trust, and mutual respect. However, sex and intimacy was a great source of conflict. Carli Jo said, “my husband has struggled with ED — I call it erectile difficulty, not dysfunction. We found through all our discoveries that Sour Diesel is nature’s Viagra.” They now incorporate cannabis into their intimate relationship regularly. Carli Jo and her husband created ceremonies, rituals, and tantra with cannabis to help them bridge their intimacy gap. Cannabis brings play back into their relationship by removing the tension and frustration of sexual intimacy as well as allowing them to be present and drop deeper into their truth together.
In our conversation I found myself wondering, why women? Much of the literature surrounding cannabis and its sexual benefits focus on women. Sure, there are some studies out there that do focus on men and Carli Jo has experienced it help her husband immensely, but the truth remains that the focus is on women. If Carli Jo hadn’t explored her relationship with her own pleasure and cannabis, she may not have brought it to her relationship with her husband in the way she has. Again, why women? Carli Jo believes that women are hungry. Women want to express themselves sexually and are eager to do it without restriction. Her belief is that we are in the dawn of a sexual revolution. Carli Jo wants to introduce cannabis to this revolution. She wants to break down the idea that cannabis use during sexual activity means that you need it to have fun. Instead, she wants to introduce it as a fun, pleasurable trend that you can dip your toes into without fully committing and can turn back whenever you want. In her coaching career, she doesn’t rely on cannabis to help her clients, she said “cannabis is a tool in my sensual toolbox”. If cannabis isn’t your scene, that’s okay. There are so many other options out there to enhance or begin your relationship to your body and its pleasure sensations.
Women have so many more possibilities when it comes to sexual pleasure. Cannabis allows women to take their pleasure and desire into their own hands. Carli Jo recommends exploring your relationship with your own pleasure while waiting for the cannabis to kick in. However, she acknowledges that cannabis is a very individual experience; what works for her might not work for everyone. The important thing is that you explore. See what works for you and what your body responds to best. Most importantly, enjoy!